There is beauty in the brokenness.

This is another post I wrote in May of 2014. I wanted to share it here as I liked it then and upon rereading it, I still liked it.

There is beauty in the brokenness. There is hope, there is joy to come. There is pain, oh, to be sure there is pain. There are mistakes, there are harsh words, there is forgiveness. There is love, there are tears of joy, there are tears of grief. There is confusion, there is frustration, there is thought, there is clarity, there is connection, there is everything. There is nothing at all. For because we are broken, we are imperfect perfection, and we are still beautiful.


Image from here.

I hope you are all having a beautiful Monday! Do enjoy yourselves and live the now. <3

That light in those eyes….

This is a journal entry I wrote in May of 2014 and I found it while going through some old journals. I may post a few others here as well, but for now, here’s one.

See that light in those eyes? That twinkle? May he never lose it.

What is soul? It’s like electricity – we don’t really know what it is, but it’s a force that can light a room. ~ Ray Charles

The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire. ~ Ferdinand Foch

Maybe Ray meant the soul genre of music, but I think it’s equally applicable to the other kind of soul too. You know those people who are so ALIVE that they shine like an iridescent beacon? The people who are so bubbly with joy, who wear their hearts on their sleeves, who feel everything deeply and don’t bother to hide it, who are so secure in the knowledge of who they are? Those people. I want my son to be one of those people. Maybe, just maybe, I can be one too.


As I typed this, I was on hold with the DMV and as I had 12-14 minutes to listen to soft jazz, I had a chance to ponder what I wrote. My son has that beautiful, innocent twinkle in his eyes that little kids have when they’re young and don’t fully know the ways of the world yet.

It seems like that light fades as we get older and we lose that childlike curiosity, honesty and innocence. I wonder if we can ever get that back again…

I think we can, partially, just by changing the way we look at the world and at other people. Yes, this is one of those glass/person half full things. ;-)

Keenan looks at life like an adventure with a few responsibilities. He’s 11, so that seems appropriate. I’m smack-dab in the middle of my 30’s and I look at life like responsibilities with a few weekend adventures. I wonder what would happen if I flipped my perspective?

Here’s to childlike wonder. And for time to ponder things while I’m on hold with the DMV.


Image from here.

And because this is pertinent and fits right in with a change in perspective, here’s a post from {in}courage on perspective + gratitude for your reading pleasure. :-)

Based on the story I tell myself, I am content or not, confident or not, trusting or not, grateful or not. ~ Sarah Sandifer

Think Out Loud #7

Well, every day is for thinking out loud if you don’t have a filter. But for some bloggers, we have what’s called writer’s block and we need all the help we can get to get the words out of our heads and onto paper or a computer screen.

Thankfully, Amanda over at Running with Spoons created Thinking Out Loud. Head on over there to read all about it!

So, here’s what’s been running through my head lately!


Oh, my gosh, I haven’t done one of these since July. Yikes! I have felt the need to purge and sort and organize and clean. Given my current living situation, I can’t exactly do that, unless I go out to the garage and start sorting through the boxes of my stuff that are out there.

That’s not exactly what I had in mind, so I’ll wait until we get a place of our own and then I can purge and sort and organize and clean to my heart’s content.

I haven’t been excited about food in what seems like months. I’ve had some really good meals, but my day-to-day food is lackluster. I’m not excited about dessert or main dishes or vegetables or anything really. Unless it’s Red’s Burgers. Then I am most definitely excited. I’ll have to take a picture of one of their burgers for you. Those are delicious. Funnily enough, food being lackluster doesn’t seem to stop me from eating it. I am not one of those people who won’t eat if nothing sounds good, even though I’m hungry.. Making sure my body is well fed is at the top of my body’s priority list.


Oh, this. This was so good for me to read and hear and digest. I have often thought that it’s selfish for me to try to be myself, or who I want to be, though the me I am might be at odds with who God created me to be. I see now that it is impossible for me to be anyone other than who I am. And who I am is who God created me to be and who He wants me to be. Stop fighting it, girl. Wear the clothes you want to wear, read the books you want to read, have the beliefs you want to believe, be who you are. The end. If only it were that simple. But then, why shouldn’t it be that simple?

It would be a lot simpler if I just let it go. I overthink things too much, just like I’m overthinking this right now. Enough :-)

I think I’ll end here with this:



Healthy Living Survey

This survey seems to be making the rounds, so I figured I’d jump in and participate! Hayley over at Full of Life did it and so did Sam at Better with Sprinkles! Check their surveys here and here!

Anyway, here I go!

1. What did you eat for breakfast?

This morning I had coffee with one of my dear friends before work. I had an egg, sausage and cheese English muffin sandwich from Starbucks and a decaf Americano with half and half. It was delicious!

2. How much water do you drink each day?

I’m not sure, though I do try to drink when I’m thirsty.Some days I drink a large amount and some days I hardly drink any. I have a tendency to want to drink hot beverages, more so than cold, so I go for tea or coffee instead of water when I’m thirsty. I also know that I’m more willing to drink water out of a straw, so I keep a Camelbak water bottle {like this one} at my desk and I try to drink out of that when I’m thirsty, rather than refilling my coffee cup.

3. What is your current favorite workout?

You know, I’m not really sure. I love to go for walks, but I don’t get out to do that very often. I also like PiYo and I’ll get out of bed to do that.

4. How many calories do you eat each day?

I don’t know. It varies from day to day and if I had to guess, it’s probably somewhere in between 1,800 and 2,500.

5. What are your favorite healthy snacks?

Hummus and carrots, cheese and hummus, apples and Cheddar cheese, chips and salsa.

6. What do you usually eat for lunch?

It varies. Sometimes I get a cup of soup and a salad or a sandwich from the bakery near my office. Sometimes I bring leftovers from home. Sometimes I bring a pre-made salad from the grocery store.

7. What is your favorite body part to train?

I don’t train any particular body part. Ever.

8. What is your least favorite body part to train?

See number 7.

9. What are your “bad” food cravings?

I don’t think cravings are bad…usually my body craves something because it’s in need of whatever nutrients that food has. Usually, I crave sweet things, but sometimes I crave savory things too.

10. Do you take vitamins or supplements?

I take a multivitamin every day and if I remember, I take zinc.

11. How often do you eat out?

Maybe a few times a month. I’d shoot for once a week at best.

12. Do you eat fast food?

Not very often as it tends to not agree with me at all. We eat burgers at a local burger joint almost on a monthly basis, but it’s not “fast food” like Mc Donald’s, Carl’s Jr., Jack in the Box, Taco Bell, etc. We also will eat Chipotle every so often.

13. Who is your biggest supporter?

My husband, my mom and my friends. They all let me ramble on and on about my mental space and my feelings about food. They let me talk a lot about my relationship with food and they basically let me get all obsessive about how it isn’t perfect. To echo Hayley, they love me when I’m not easy to love.

14. Do you have a gym membership?


15. How many hours of sleep do you get each night?

Right now, it’s in between 6-7. I’m going to start trying for 7-8 though. I don’t function well with anything less than 7 hours.

16. Do you have a cheat day?

No. I eat what I want every day.

17. Do you drink alcohol?

Yes, I like having a glass of wine with supper almost daily. I don’t really like beer and I’m not a big fan of hard alcohol either.

18. Do you have a workout buddy?

No, not really. My only workout buddy is our dog, Jezebel, who joins me on walks on the weekends.

19. What’s the best thing that has changed about your life since committing to a healthy lifestyle?

Being in a better place mentally and emotionally in regards to myself. My confidence level is much better as well.

20. What is the last healthy thing you did?

Deleted MyFitnessPal off my phone, yet again. As of this morning. I really dislike this waffling thing I do. I reinstall it and start tracking and then I delete it because it doesn’t make me feel good, and then I reinstall it again out of fear. Vicious cycle. I know I need to deal with the fear heard-on. I’m working on it slowly but surely and sometimes I think I think about this all way.too.much.

Well, that was fun! I’m getting hungry, so I think I’ll go find some lunch. The pre-packaged salad I brought with me doesn’t sound very good so I’ll head over to the bakery for a cup of soup and maybe one of their Brie sandwiches, which are so delicious.

Have a lovely afternoon!

Winter Is Coming

I think winter has finally arrived. I say “finally” because our lovely state has been in a drought for quite a few years and we are in dire need of rain here on the Central Coast of California. Last week, we got a good rain and then this week, we’ve had a few good rains. I hope there are more in our future.

Side note: I’m really grateful that my husband put Rain-X on my windshield before it started raining. He’s awesome!

Our winters are so mild compared to winters elsewhere. We think 50*F is cold. Even without the freezing temperatures, the rain is lovely. It makes everything smell so good and the thunder we’ve had {which is rare} sounds so amazing. Thunder doesn’t happen very often here, but when it does, it’s always like music to my ears because it reminds me of those summer rainstorms in Colorado. I miss those. We could almost always see them coming because the thunderheads would start to form miles away and then when the clouds got closer, sometimes we could feel the electricity int he air.

Lately, we’ve been going for walks in the mornings on the weekends and it’s been so nice to get outside in the morning sun. I know I’ve written before about how I’m a morning person, so this shouldn’t be a surprise. :-) Usually, we bring Jezebel with us. She and I have been working on some commands and she’s so smart. She definitely knows what I’m asking, but she tries to see if I’m really the boss. The other day she took off for home once we got back to the park by our house. She knew where she was and just ran on home, with me huffing along behind her. She now gets put on a leash once we get to the park. She’s very smart, but she has a tendency to run towards the cars, rather than away from them. In her life, cars have meant safety and home and food and love, so of course she’ll walk towards them. She doesn’t understand that they might hit her accidentally. So, a leash it is, at least until she learns to come when I call her. She is such a ball of fluff.

We are gearing up for a little trip over Thanksgiving to visit my dad’s side of the family in Nevada. I’m so excited to see my parents, aunts, uncles and cousins. And, I’m excited for a little road trip! I’ll be sure to take plenty of pictures and post them sometime in December.

My mom sent me a picture of her tea tag the other day and I just had to post it. He has so many little tidbits of wisdom and this has to be one of my favorites. It’s very true…our attitude can trump nearly any problem we may have. Our attitude can make a problem worse or better. Oh, and then there’s this tidbit I heard the other day on the radio: Our lives are not as serious as we make them in our heads.

Have a wonderful evening!

A Fort Baker Recap

Do you all know where Fort Baker is? I didn’t, until I visited a couple of weeks ago for a work function. It’s basically just at the foot of the north end of the Golden Gate Bridge. I did go for a work function, and I won’t share about that, but I wanted to share my adventure with you.

This is the view of the bridge from the restaurant. I had the privilege of staying in one of the historic buildings and that was truly a delight. My room was a spacious, two-room suite that had everything I could possibly need. The bathroom even had little jars of cotton balls and q-tips! Also, the rooms had the most beautiful radiators.

I just couldn’t resist taking pictures of the radiators. They were so ornate and beautiful.

I managed to get out for a few walks while I was there and I am so glad I did. I got to explore Fort Baker and see the bridge from so many different angles. And, I got some nice shots of the San Francisco skyline. I really wanted a better camera though, because the zoom on an iPhone just isn’t all that awesome. :-)

Being away for a few days gave me a chance to relax, even though my brain was bustling with new ideas and possible things to try for work. By the time my stay was over, I was ready to come back home.

Oh! I have to tell you about the dinner I ate! One night, while everyone else went bowling, I went to Murray Circle, the restaurant there at Cavallo Point. I am so sorry this photo is so dark, but I just had to share this meal with you because it was the best thing I have ever eaten at a restaurant.

Here’s what it was: grilled quail thighs, red flint polenta, kale, smoked apple, alder ash honey gastrique and I had a lovely Saint Cosme Côtes-du-Rhône to go with it. I was in gastronomic heaven after eating this meal.

If you’re ever in Sausalito for any reason, I’d recommend stopping by Fort Baker, even if all you do is see the bridge from a different perspective. It’s a beautiful place!

I’ll leave you with this quote that I heard from the seminar I attended while I was there. Enjoy!

“No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and he’s not the same man.” ~ Heraclitus

Crazy Crazy Crazy I’ve Gone

This is me and my coffee crazy. Life has been…well, honestly, it’s been a bit rough, but it’s still really good.

I will be the first to admit that I’ve been drinking too much coffee, eating too much sugar and not getting enough sleep. I don’t say this in a Judgy McJudger sort of way. Not at all.

I say it in an accepting, loving way. I know that I don’t feel awesome because of how I’ve been taking care of myself. I know at some point I will have the desire to exercise and eat less sugar and perhaps drink fewer cups of coffee, but right now is not that time.

Learning to love myself where I am very freeing and I no longer feel guilt about my food or drink choices. Here’s why. When I choose to eat or drink something, and then I eat or drink it, nothing happens. NOTHING AT ALL. I don’t immediately gain 5 pounds if I have a donut for breakfast every so often.

I no longer have the viewpoint that donuts {or any other food} are horrible. They aren’t. My mindset about them has changed so that donuts are no longer evil, horrible, bad things that are full of evil fat and sugar. They’re just donuts.

I am in the process of trying to figure out how exactly my body wants to feel, how it wants to move, and what it wants to do. Take this morning for instance, I ate a piece of toast with good Irish butter and some homemade blueberry preserves {thanks, Mom and Gram!}. After that, I felt really good and my heart was all warm and fuzzy because my mom and my gram made preserves and sent them to me {They love me! Yay!}. I made a cup of coffee to take to work with me and started drinking it. After that, felt okay. I still had the warm fuzzies but my body wasn’t happy with the coffee. So. Then, I ate some black jelly beans. Why? Because I was emotionally eating and I was/am stressed out a little. And now how do I feel? Well, my nose is stuffy and I have a headache and my stomach hurts.

Was eating those jelly beans and drinking that coffee the best choice? No, probably not, especially considering my body’s reaction to them. But, I’ve learned…sort of. I’ve learned how those things make me feel, but I’m still eating and drinking them. Why?

Because eating sugar is how I have always coped with stress and anxiety and worry and all that stuff. I’ve gotten a lot better about it in recent years, but the old standby is still very much there and very present.

Basically, I could have removed those last three paragraphs and just told you that I am slowly becoming more aware of my body and what makes it tick. I’m also more aware when I do eat out of stress or emotions. In the midst of that, I’m learning to make different choices so that my body is happy and balanced and free. Right now, my body doesn’t feel happy and balanced and free, mostly due to the sugar I ate this morning.

And that’s perfectly alright.